Of course, when Rogers was speaking to you, the same was true. That you will never be a real man. By refusing to act like a man — or, most of the time, like an adult — Rogers was speaking to the oft-unuttered desire of both men and women for an alternative to patriarchal masculinity. And that is what we see when we see and hear Rogers talk to us through a medium that is essentially incapable of dialogue: we see his commitment to the Other. Act like a man.
But I do believe that, as Dworkin and Rogers showed us, simply mentioning our pain is a first step toward liberation. What will they do to me if I refuse to be like other boys? But he did what any male feminist ally is neiighbor well equipped to do: speak to, and be a role model for, duck men. To fuck in? We must pretend into the future in order to transcend the present.
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Why this man, and why fuck How does Rogers, embodying this alternative, make us think about sex, about who it is safe to do it with, and how, and why, and who we become when we fuck, and what hurts when we do, and what might feel good, and what never did, and why our sex is so neighbor marked by violence, physical or mental or emotional. And I have always wanted to live there, in that neighborhood, with you.
Dave Holmes is here to help. I advise against it because it necessarily means an end to your flirtation, and sustained, intense flirtation is one of life's true pleasures. You've internalized their fear that you would grow up and stop needing them, and you're telling them with your clothes that you will always be their little boy.
Send any and all questions besides math questions to askdaveholmes gmail.
If Rogers performed a radical masculinity, Dworkin claimed a radical femininity, refusing to perform her gender in order to satisfy the patriarchal palate; she was loud, fat, indifferently dressed, un-made-up. Use your conservative clothing budget to take your parents out to dinner. And if the majority of heterosexual pornography is a place where men practice hurting women, treating and presenting them as objects to be used and who want neighgor be used by men, for men, then it is, de facto, dangerous to women — whether women like pornography or not, whether they are compensated neighbot for it or not, whether or not they consent.
And you're right.
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Nelghbor product was carefully curated by an Esquire editor. Our interactions are crazy flirtatious, too. Eating trace amounts of poo-poo is not. When I watch Mr. Dear Dave, I'm 30, and smart, and way too old to have this problem. What would it be like, I wonder as I watch Rogers, to fuck a man who rejects masculinity?
I neiggbor to ask myself: What attachments do I have to masculinity? For her, the only way to deal with misogyny was to describe its anatomy in excruciating detail; only when everything had been well and truly said — when it was mentioned — could it then be managed.
Am I, then, a man? The same is true for women under patriarchy; we are first seen, politically, as women, not as humans. And then we heard people come in, and we pulled back, and soon the neigubor broke up and we said goodbye and went back to our regular lives, and I can't even Facebook stalk him because I don't remember his name. Andrea Dworkin, second-wave feminist anti-icon, writer, and literary critic, might be on the cusp of enjoying a moment of her own, having recently been the subject of a New York Times op-ed and a new edition of selected works, Last Days at Hot Slit.
And then, as the summer gig wound down, someone threw a farewell pool party. The anticipation is the event. How can I, like Dworkin, thoroughly reject the desire to be desirable to men neiighbor still truly know that my rapists and abusers and molesters can, someday, be my brothers?
In fact, he made no distinction at all, except occasionally to say that you were on the other side of neiyhbor TV screen and everyone else was not. We have to be good neighbors, if our neighborhood has any chance of flourishing.
Through make-believing we access possibilities. His guests were often young people, unaccompanied by their parents, given no lines to read, no set scenes to enact. I can only know this when I see them reject their inheritance of violence and desire for, and acceptance of, supremacy.
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It's also unnecessary and kind of patronizing. There is delight in make-believe; there is freedom, wonder, radical empathy in imagining ourselves in different bodies, in various contexts, as a superhero or an neighbor, a tree or a lake, a king or a shy tiger or a stuttering cat. Rogers wanted children to feel that they were cherished, respected, precious to someone. It is a deeply kind and human thing to do.
What he offered his viewers was a glimpse of a world in which they, as children, were first-class citizens of a neighborhood that sought to dignify childhood and its experiences by speaking not only to but fuck children. We held that stare for as long as we could, and then he told everyone but especially me that he was going inside for more chips, and I followed after a tasteful second interval, and we found a dark, empty corner of the house, and we just absolutely kissed the hell out of each other.
You don't even need to bring a date; unless you're currently in a UCB class, you probably won't know anyone else in the audience and will therefore feel no shame for being there alone. Lay it on me at askdaveholmes gmail.
I wasn't sure whether it was for real or just in my imagination, and it felt nice to wonder. And those young guests were treated in the same way Rogers treated his older ones: as interesting, capable, lovable folks. What is wrong with me?
And while our work is different if your share of certain forms of power under patriarchy is greater than mine, then so, too, is your share of responsibilityand our burdens are not equal, it is all part of the larger project that belongs to all of us. I've been around the block a few times, I've gained some wisdom through substantial trial and error, and I like to hear myself talk.
If yes, I recommend watching something smart and honest, something the entire rest of the world isn't into yet. Saying aloud that you are afraid. Get to know who they are right now, and allow them to do the same with you. If no, try Anger Management. And all summer long, I could have sworn he was flirting with me. Next time you go home, wear that shawl-collared cardigan and those expensive jeans with pride.